Gator's Got His Eye On You

So I'm really thinking I should open an Alligator Catching Business as a side.

Avery darlin was that you??!

Ha.

I think I need to have a movie night.

Not to be insensitive, but I think I see why I just read the damn paper on Sundays. It's all crap.

Seriously. And if someone is looking for eighty dollars for a picture of an Angel they're not going to get it. Try twenty, maybe, tops, unless it's signed by someone important. Unless you're some stupid idiot who just has to have some ugly piece of junk and if that's the case hey I've got some of those crappy "light" pictures in my shop with your name on them.

Ok do this is what it said but this was all I really saw.

“Console Contact Lenses” Grip The Gaming Nation: “BANGOR, ME. Mopheus Labs has finally come up with the next step in gaming immersion experiences: the console contact lens, which acts as a television screen... in your eyes. Preliminary tests have all culminated in rave reviews, so Morpheus Labs President Dave Walsh is set for release this week...”

Seriously.

Back. My brother's wedding is today and I dreamed all my teeth fell out last night. No idea, really.

Hope I don't lose the rings.

Got out of the city for a few days. Wasn't sure this thing would work up here but glad it did. Was a bunch of fireworks earlier down by the water. Just now it's me, Sweetie, the campfire, and the people at the camp on the other side of the river.

I don't know that I could spend the 4th in the city and still have it feel quite right.

Whoever said there's gotta be a morning after ought to be shot.

Oh my GOD lonely lover lad you stupid fucker. Will you just stop right now? Your ad gets more pathetic every week and any chance you had of getting a girl which was NONE has gone right down the fucking crapper.

Shit.

You're making the rest of us look bad too.

Those fuckers, I knew those LazerGrillz were too good to be true.

Yoga retreats. Really, who does that sort of thing other than hippies and liberal pussies?

Any self respecting man knows the only sort of thing you ought to be doing in the mountains is hunting or fishing maybe with some camping on the side.

Puts me in mind I'll probably gas up the bike and go up for a weekend to Maine, there's a sweet little place up there where you can go primitive camping and not see a single soul for days if you don't want to. I think I could use me some of that sort of peace and quiet.

So since my last blog post was so incredibly unsuccessful at finding me a date, my Mother has decided to take things into her own hands.

So far I've fielded calls from at least three of her friends, and no, Lourdes, Maria Fernanda, and Britney I don't want to date your daughters, I'm sorry, but they're just not my type.

The problem is my brother, Lucky? He's getting married next month and I'm expected to go to the wedding with someone because otherwise the entire familia will sit around for ages telling me what a shame it is that I don't have a girlfriend and how if I wasn't so fat I'd probably have better luck with the ladies.

And then they'll fill my plate with mofongo and chicharrón and tell me to eat more.

Someone save me from this hell.

So. I've been thinking. Obviously this whole singles scene in the City is absolute shit. Whenever I hook up with a girl she's got a boyfriend or she's got some other sort of nutjob problem, and I'll be damned if I'm dealing with that.

Then half the people around are damn foreigners.

So I've been thinking, you know, I'm a decent guy, I have my own business, I make a decent salary. I'm a patriot and not a fucking liberal ass pussy. I do extreme sports, snow boarding, hang gliding, rock climbing. I like to hunt. Not to mention I'm just all around awesome.

Which brings me to Jude's post. Now I haven't seen Tina Turner's son. And I'm not looking for a sex slave. You know unless you're into that. But anyone interested in tapping this? Seriously. And you queers can go the other way thanks. What you do on your own time's fine, but I'm not interested in what you've got to offer.

All right, so a couple of weeks ago coffee consumption was good for the prostate and now it increases the chance of cancer.

Seriously?

What the fuck sort of crack are these researchers smoking? I mean in any case you're gettin it up the ass but seriously.


Next they're going to say smoking is good for you.

Hot Damn, I guess I'll just drink coffee all the time now.

Carpoolers Wanted For Drive to Chicago: "If you are looking for a ride to anywhere between NYC and Chicago, I have four empty seats and room for minimal luggage. No payment required. It's a long drive, and I am just looking for company..."

Yeah. Sounds like a serial killer to me.

Lookee Lookee.

Guess who got called to help corral this little baby from a pool out in the Hudson Archipelago. Guess someone saw my blog post. And paid handsomely

Click for the Full Sensory Experience Mother Fuckers.



[Note: When clicked a Holographic Alligator appears Before the individual, grunting, trying to escape, and smelling strongly of sewer water.]

Anyone want to grab a bite to eat? Ha.

A fifty dollar tax credit. Seriously? You can't even buy a tank of gas for that.

Considering the amount of work done in any kind of garden it ought to at least be a couple of hundred. That probably wouldn't even cover half the seeds and supplies to start out.

Now excuse me while I go and weed my fucking carrots. The gator's gonna help me.

Woo hoo!

Feels like home!

Man I love the subway early on a Sunday morning. Course I'm comin' home but still. One time of the week the crowded masses aren't around. Stopping for breakfast I think on the way home. I need some cafe con leche and an omelet to burn off some of this alcohol.

( Up the down staircase )

Salsa night at Rico Suave's tonight in honor of St Patrick's day (which makes no sense but whatever).

Anyone going?